My Bucket List

I was talking to a Young Person™ the other day and the idea of a Bucket List came up. Now I’ve not had a telly for a very long time and not seeing any movie trailers or other advertisements meant I had no idea what one of these things was. So I briefly plucked up the courage to ask, hoping it wasn’t some horrible sexual innuendo and was told it was a list of things you’d like to do before you die.


Well that’s fucking depressing, I thought to myself, how about “A list of things I’d like to do while I’m still alive”? Maybe that would be a little bit more positive, no? I do wonder if people who haven’t faced their own mortality in any kind of real way throw around the idea of dying like that without really thinking about it. I mean, as I’m writing this I’m fully aware of the fact that some day I AM GOING TO DIE. Seriously, the seconds are ticking away and this is the only chance I’m going to get at doing anything in this world. So I’m writing really quickly and I’m going to write a list of things like to do while I’m still alive because it seems like a good idea at the time.

Note to the reader: “it seemed like a good idea at the time” is generally not a great way to make decisions about your life, believe me I’ve tried and there were some unintended consequences. :-)

So, here are the top 5 things I’d like to do while I’m still alive and the fact that I’m quadriplegic has nothing to do with my ability to achieve these things. Hopefully. Maybe. Large amounts of funding may be required.

  1. Get thrown out of a perfectly good aeroplane a.k.a. skydiving
  2. Drive something independently of an able-bodied person. I mean fully in control of every function of the vehicle including steering and braking etc. I don’t care what it is, it could be a boat, car, plane, helicopter and I might even consider rocket if anyone’s got them going!
  3. Visit America.
  4. Display myself in a museum. Not my work, myself.
  5. Meet the band Orbital again like I did when I was 19, but this time DO NOT dribble at them like a lunatic and ask if they were having a good time.1
  1. Dear God the shame of it, it lingers still!